Sunday, March 06, 2011

Seeking Applicants

Mabel Lou here.  My mom keeps promising that her being gone so much is "almost" over. I'm not taking any chances.

Position: Full time care giver.

Requirements:

  • MUST. LOVE. DOGS. Namely, ME.
  • Should be able to cope with a submissive pee -er.  A little piddle on the floor or your shoes is no big deal. 
  • Needs to grasp the concept of rituals: 1)Meal time consists of heating my water, pouring kibble in my bowl, placing EXACTLY three pieces of kibble each on three of my beds, adding in meds and canned food and mixing it to "Mabel Lou stew" consistency. 2) Bedtime consists of reminding me to go potty (some humans are amazed that I can do on request!) and placing EXACTLY three pieces of jerky in the following order: One at the beginning of the hall and two on the bed. 
  • Speaking of bedtime, you are allowed to share my bed. Your share of the queen sized bed is approximately one foot by six feet. Sometimes less. Should you deem we require a king sized bed, your width would be the same but I can understand and adapt to your length needs.
  • Must NEED to hike as much as I do. My current caregiver thinks this is once a day but it's actually about seven times a day. Applicant should be adept at encountering all kinds of wild animals: coyotes, raccoons, possums, rattlesnakes, non-poisonous snakes, lizards, hawks, ducks, rats, mountain lions, bears, cranes, smaller birds, fox... etc.  Applicant should also be able to handle a canine with an insane prey drive around cats.
  • Applicant should remain calm when among packs of dogs. My friends and I enjoy a meet up at the creek and we play rough. Applicant should understand my body language for when "enough is enough" and be comfortable extracting me from too much frolic. 
  • Must have the ability to earn green papers while working from home. ABSOLUTELY NO LEAVING ME ALONE FOR LONG HOURS IN THE NAME OF GREEN PAPERS. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE DEAL BREAKER! I require companionship DAILY!
  • Understand when I need to see the vet. Even if I don't want to go.
  • If you are unable to perform any of your duties at any time, you must replace yourself for ALL duties.
  • Must have the ability to cope with a dog that has a flair for the dramatic.
Compensation:
  • The love of the most amazing canine - ME!
  • You must have the ability to earn your own green papers to take care of us.
I don't think this is a very demanding list but let's just see. Who knows? I may find a better mom! 

12 comments:

lampworkldf said...

Aww this made me cry. You are not really looking for a new mom for Mabel?? You are her mom!! !

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

We agree, the mom you have, Mabel, is irreplaceable. Give it some time, it will get better.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Mabel Lou mom here. Oh Gee, it looks like Miss M has thrown me under the bus AGAIN!

My policy with my canines is: as long as I have a shopping cart, baby, you got a home. I'm not getting rid of Mabel but it does appear she's planning to give me the boot!

I guess she thinks she owns the house...hmmmm

Girl Power Golf said...

hehehe Mabel - you are so funny. I think this is a good ploy to get your mommy's attention! Bart pulled the same thing on me to get my attention only he took it one step further - he took a vacation at the local animal shelter! Needless to say - it got my attention and I adopted him :) (I don't recommend that method) Your ad should be enough to get your mom's attention and she'll realize she needs to be a "Stay at Home Mom". Good luck Mabel :)

rottrover said...

Mabel Lou, Do NOT give up on your mom yet! You are such a diva! I know you just had a birthday, but a little flexibility, please!!

-your mom's friend

K9friend said...

Don't jump ship (or should I say don't jump Mom?). Just like Arnold she'll be baaaaack!

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

ordinaryjanet said...

Mabel, tell your mommy she needs to hire a nanny for you, one who will do things exactly as you like them done!

Mango said...

Golly, Miss Mabel, I was all set to sign up but you sound kind of high maintenance. Like totally a diva. I think maybe you need an entourage to tend to your needs. Your mom must love you very much. Give her a second chance, OK?

Slobbers,
Mango

Priscilla said...

Oh dear Mabel, please don't ever give up hope on your mom. She has been doing her best being your bestest mom and catering all your needs. Well, you know that humans tend to make mistakes BUT they also learn from their mistakes. Things will get better, Mabel!

Rudy - The dog with a blog said...

I think I'd give her a second chance... if she's still letting you blog, I think she's worth it :)

Rudy

Becky said...

How about you and Mommy coming to see me and Rocketman in South Korea?

Linda@VS said...

Priceless, Holly!