Sunday, March 20, 2011

I Knew It Was Coming; I Just Didn't Know When

I found myself exclaiming that phrase, out loud, in frustration, as I raced through the pouring rain Friday night. I knew the storm was coming; just not the details. I went from a dead sleep to sitting bolt upright in bed at 1:30 a.m. to dashing into the storm to secure stuff that should not be outside in the rain: the food color for the shop, the new tools, the new shipping boxes from the post office.

California is typically very dry, even at night when some places are moist. I often stage items going into the studio or the house until there is room. And this rain caught me off guard. As I tossed the last of the shipping boxes into the safety of the shop and really heard myself utter that phrase, I froze in my tracks.

Unaware of the cold rain, I started thinking about how so often we are caught off guard by the obvious and inevitable. We live our lives, knowing that the cheeseburger doesn't help the cholesterol and seem offended when the heart attack knocks on the door. We know our bad diets and lack of exercise aren't good for us and still we are shocked when illness finds us.

Do we live our lives in denial? Maybe. But more likely, I think we know that all that effort and hard work will never stave off the inevitable. Life is only temporary.

My sister is facing a tremendous battle - again. It will be her third. She told me years ago that she knew that cancer would take her life. I shuddered upon hearing her words. Is it a gift or a burden to know the thing that will kill you?

I don't know questions were asked upon this diagnosis. It's hard to plan for battle when you don't know much about your enemy. I just know that my little family... it's been the four of us for my whole life... is in for another fight. We have our jobs: to feed her and love her, provide for her comfort, get her to appointments, provide her with laughs. But, we are simply willing Lieutenants to her General. It is her battle to win.

I knew this storm was coming. I just wish it were a few more decades down the road.


rottrover said...

Please let us know how we can support you.

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

So sorry to read this. We will hold your sister and your family in our thoughts and prayers. Life is just so unfair sometimes. Hugs to you from all of us.

MurphyDog said...

oh gosh...Mom can only imagine what you are going thru. Her thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

if you haven't already, contact the Leukemia & Lymphoma society. Mom has done a bunch of fundraising for them through Team in Training, and knows of all the help they provide to families in your situation.

big slobbers to you & your sister

wag, wiggles & slobbers

Dexter said...

How beautifully you have written about the tragedy of life. My thoughts are with you.

Mango Momma

Diane Ballum said...

Sorry sweetie. I don't know you peronally, but my heart breaks for you. :( Sendin lots of healing thought out for you, your sister, and the whole family.

Becky said...

Oh no, Holly. My heart dropped when I read about your sister. She's a tough fighter and she has a great support team. Keeping your family in my prayers.

Miss you loads!!!

Linda@VS said...

Oh, Holly, I'm so sorry. I hope your sister will fight as hard as she did the last two times, and that you and the rest of your family will find the strength you need to help her face this battle again. My thoughts and prayers will be with all of you.

Unknown said...

So sorry to read about what you've been through. Life is full of challenges and sometimes it's completely upside down and full of stuff we don't want them in our life at all. Hang in there and be strong. I'll keep your sister in my prayers too.