Friday, December 31, 2010

Not a Shiny Happy

This post is not a shiny happy one... so, you've been warned.

Every year about this time, I write some saccharine poetic piece about my hopes for the future. But this year I just can't. There is no grassy knoll in my burnt forest. There is no imminent change. And no, I don't feel hopeful. And just the thought of the future seems insurmountable.

In trying to recap this crappy year...(Velvet said 2009 was Spectacular for its Suckitude. I think that sums up 2010 nicely!).. I thought I would do something a little more thoughtful. Alison started the Thirty Days of Truth project and I thought of joining in but in the end both of us decided it was just too negative. Then I found Reverb10, but it seemed to require more effort than this crapfest deserved. So here it is:

  • I still have no job and no prospects. I'm starting to question if I will ever make any real money ever again.
  • A 23 year friendship bit the dust because I got tired of doing all the rowing (Old Southern adage: If you want to know if a relationship is working, stop rowing the boat and see if it moves. It didn't; so I did.)
  • I had a spider bite that nearly killed me.
  • Mabel finally got a boyfriend - and he moved away. She still lingers when we pass his now empty house.
  • January brought floods and debris down from our burn area. And allergies to all dogs and this person.
  • I lost my cell phone on the way to the airport.
  • Owed money to the IRS for the first time in decades - all for robbing my OWN retirement account to keep a roof over my head!
  • My left elbow went numb in April. In June I developed excruciating pain in my right one. I spent most of the summer and fall in severe pain and too broke to go to the doctor after paying for my Blue Cross insurance every month. 
  • In July, I went in for a pain in a front tooth. Thousands of bucks, a root canal, a cap and 8 visits to dentists / endodontists and six months later, I'm going to lose said tooth... but only if I can come up with the money to have it pulled. Won't that make me look oh so cute in job interviews?
  • My desktop computer died.
But in all honesty, it wasn't all horrible: 
  • I have about the same amount of money in the bank this year as I did last. Guess I did something right. 
  • Excellent hikes after the storm was over.
  • New Years Day was one of the best days of the year. I went on an amazing hike with that friend of 23 years. It's how our friendship was on this day before all the strain that forced the break that I prefer to remember instead of all the nothing that came at the end. (I really don't think she even cares we're not friends anymore.)  
  • I got my cell phone back!
  • Saved all the files off the old desktop.
  • Bart joined our pack and the BFF comes to the creek!
  • More new friends at the creek: Ruby and Choloe the dobie. 
  • My sister came out for the first time in ages and we had a blast.
  • Road trip with the bestie, full of giggles. 
  • I sold more glass beads than ever before... still not enough to call it income, but progress!
So there it is. It feels like way more bad than good. And, in my own mind, I've already kicked 2010 to the curb days ago. Good riddance!

As for 2011, I stopped dreaming of any more than the basics: roof over my head, food in my pantry, gas in the car. Anything more feels ... frivolous! But my sincere hope that in 2011, we all get a hand (or a foot) up in the new year. 


Islandgirl said...

I was thinking of writing a similar post on my website... How are your elbows... Mine is my right toe.. one next to the big toe... My sister the great medic says it's gout from drinking too much wine!

As for bead sales if I ever listed something I might sell something!

Pets someone deliberately ran over my cat in July... still can't believe that there are people like that in this world! Hope Mabel recovers from her lost love!

Hope you have a Happy & Safe New Year and can continue to live in your house!


♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

We know it has been a rough year for many with the economy as it is. We can't complain too much here, but we also suffered the loss of a good friendship, the hardest part is not understanding why. We hope that 2011 does a huge turnaround for you and so many others.

Happy New Year!

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and the Momster

Priscilla said...

I'm sorry to hear about the downs but I'm also glad to hear about the ups. May your new year is filled with fun, happiness and good health.
Happy New Year to all of you!!!

Velvet Sacks said...

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough year, Holly, and I do remember how glad I was for 2009 to be over. As bad as that year was, 2010 has been a really good one for me. I'm telling you this (I'll write my own recap post later today) to remind you that life is a series of ups and downs for each of us, and I believe you're overdue for some ups. 2010 tried its best to beat you down, but here you are, still standing. May your struggles be fewer in 2011, and your blessings abundant.

rottrover said...

Roof, food, gas, and Good Health -- for you and Miss Mabel Lou!

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

Lynne, So nice to hear from you. So sorry about your cat! Horrible!
Get a good foot doc... they can be miracle workers! As for beads, I have about 160 listings between all my sites. UGH!

OP - the not knowing why someone suddenly no longer values your friendship is a strange and painful thing. So sorry for your loss.

Velvet, as always you have just the right words at just the right time. Thanks for your comments. They brought a tear of hope to my eye! I need that so bad right now! You are a treasure!

RR - You are also a treasure! And I'm so sorry I got you hooked on dog blogs!

violett said...

Everything feels well!
There are always heights and depths in the life. And it goes on and on.
I have often enough experienced this. Up and down. Also with you it will be getting better again.
Do you also have damages by the californischen rain?

We wish you a Happy New Year!
Lots of love
Violett and the Airedale- Bears

Mango said...

I think you said it all. Great post.

Mango Momma

rottrover said...

"I admit that I am hooked on reading dog blogs and my life has become unmanageable..."

Anonymous said...

Guess that tooth thing is going around! I'm looking forward to eating normally and drinking without a straw. Seems to me your year was pretty balanced. Better luck in 2011!

Islandgirl-I thought I was the only one! I get periodic pain in my big toe and looked it up on the Internet and was flabbergasted that it's gout! I'm not sure if I should be relieved it's not arthritis like I thought it was.

the booker man said...

miss creekhiker,

me and asa and mama are wishin' you the bestest stuff 'n thingies for 2011! we're sorry 2010 was a rough year for you, but we totally admire your perseverance!

the booekr man