Anticipaaaaation...

is making me wait!

YES! She got some!

In General

Life has been a bit of a downer lately, which is why I haven't been posting.

• Trying to switch credit card processors to cut my overhead. The sales rep made a huge blunder which rendered me unable to take credit cards for over a week.
• My largest sales volume in over a year came in during said week. So much for my stellar reputation of turning orders around quickly.
• Still no job. A few nibbles from a headhunter but I'm not so sure said headhunter is really on the ball.
  
• My resume : interview : job ratio is really killing me. In my lean and hungry days - when I could afford to work for nothing - For every 10 resumes I sent, I got one interview. For every 1.75 interviews, I got a job. My ratio was probably better than that if you count the fact that I often begged to meet someone even if they had no job. I've been hired 10 years after the fact on some of those!
• In eight months of sending out resumes, I've had two interviews. One was for a job. One was with a head hunter.
• Married friends who have never had to work a day in their lives (much less understand the ins and outs of running a business) really seem to annoy the heck out me lately. After mentioning to one my great week of sales, she dared suggest that all should be well in my life. Let's do the math on that, shall we? On my largest order last week - $400, I had to pay sales commissions of $40. Raw materials cost me another $100. My credit card processor took $14.40. That puts me down to $245 and change. Let's see... I need to order new wood mounts. $85. I haven't ordered food color or pads in ages....$500. And my $1000 mortgage is due.... Yeah, honey, things are looking great!
• I probably ruined a ten year friendship for being my usual direct self.
  
• Being my usual direct self landed me the job of "firing" people from a bead group I belong to. Odd how the thing that can scare someone close to me can the very thing treasured in another situation.
• What I find most annoying about both is that people ASSuME that because I'm direct, I have a think skin. I don't. I get hurt...a lot. I get disappointed in people a lot. And most days, it makes me want to crawl into a cave and stay there forever.
  
• My nightly swims, Mabel Lou and hiking are my saving grace every day. Speaking of which...it's about that time.
  

Day-cation

I took another day-cation yesterday. Mabel Lou and I went up to my torch buddy Kris' house.

Kris has a new puppy, a Boston terrier named Bolt. At first, I thought he wanted to eat me alive... he growled and barked and not in a nice way. But her kids, Madison and Jordan, had asked me to bring Mabel and I figured if Bolt and the girl didn't get along, we could just put them in different parts of the yard.

So I leashed up Mabel and made the introduction. Oy! Not a reason in the world to be concerned! My girl played so gently with Bolt. He loved rough-housing with her! She would just stay on the ground and every once in a while pin him but she did it more with the side of her face. She clearly did not want to threaten or frighten her new bud. Mr. Bolt decided I was pretty cool after all, especially since I came with the ever-so-cool-new-bestest-buddy Mabel!

Kris and I torched while the kids and fur-kids romped. The temperatures were so cool that we got to stay in the studio for hours - a rarity this time of year!

Then Kris' hubby made us lunch...such a treat for me. When you live alone, someone preparing food for you is really something! Afterwards, we hit the pool. Kris has a kid-safe fence all around her pool and originally, we left the dogs outside it. But it became apparent that Miss Mabel HAD to be near the kids.

When my godson and friends come to my pool, Mabel paces round and round. She will do this for hours with no water break... she just keeps "counting heads" like some weird Momma dog! And she did the same thing with Kris' kids... she would not take her eyes off Jordan or Maddy! Mabel ran round and round that pool to get closer to them. Being a strange pool to her, she lost her footing and we had one very wet, freaked-out rotty! She panicked and swam toward me, eyes all wild with fear. She managed to get halfway out of the pool but was afraid to lunge forward because her face was in the safety fencing. I swam in behind her and shoved her booty higher and she was right back to racing around the pool, checking on the kids!

We were home before sundown but happy with our change of scenery, grateful for good friends that live so close!

Guarding Her Treasure

Mabel loves bones... but not just any bone. In fact, when I give her marrow bones, she buries them and never seeks them out again. Her favorite bones are ones that have been slightly used, (Eeewwww!) preferably by pack buddies, Hank or Sue.

We popped in at their house last night to share some cookies I had made and within minutes, I realized Mabel was no where to be found. This could be trouble as my hiking buddy feeds stray kitties at night. We went looking and found her curled up on the "bone rug" in the living room having a go at this really large bone.


After a few minutes, I told Mabel it was time to leave. Most of the time, Mabel will look longingly at a bone and then to her "Auntie," seeking permission to take the bone home. But not last night. In one swift movement, she picked up the end of the bone and tucked her head...as though she were hiding the bone. Auntie did give Mabel permission but by that time, Mabel was at the gate. I let her out and she raced toward the car.

Then, silly girl couldn't figure out how to get in with such a long bone. She let me take it from her and I threw it into the car and she followed.

At home, she dashed out the back of the jeep and raced into the backyard. She curled up in the grass and stayed there working on the bone well past dark. Then she moved to her back porch bed.

Around eleven, I went out for a swim and she brought her treasure to the edge of the pool where she kept working on it while I swam. When I announced it was bedtime, she stood there looking at me and then at her bone.

"Well, bring it inside!" I said. I knew she was afraid some critter would come steal it!

She picked it up and dashed into the house and actually "hid" it by tucking it under the edge of her living room bed.

This morning, as soon as the bedroom door was opened, she raced down the hall to check on her bone.


And here she is, just a few minutes ago... guarding her treasure.

Star Struck

I’ve never been the type to be star-struck. That’s a good thing as I chose to earn a living in the film industry. I’ve had breakfast with Paul Newman, chatted up George Burns in the halls, and argued with Little Richard over the length of his limo. No problem.

O.K. There was that time that I nearly peed my pants meeting Lucille Ball… but she was a legend and my childhood idol. I wasn’t working with her; we were at a party – so that doesn’t really count.

Imagine my chagrin when, years into my career, I found myself completely star-struck during a job interview.

I was tired of constantly looking for work and applied for the job of “celebrity assistant.” These types of jobs are always kept deliberately vague when advertising in the trades. I was told to appear one July day in the 14th floor Century City office of said celebrity’s accountant. Upon arrival, I was told I was interviewing with Christopher Lambert, of Greystoke fame. (French pronunciation: Chris TOFF Lamb BEAR)

I was shown into a library with a wall of windows. The door opened; It was Christopher. Without really looking at him, I reached for his hand. Then I saw the most alluring azure eyes. I was only vaguely aware of him peeling his hand away from my death grip.

As he moved around the table, I checked out the rest of the package. Short, dark hair; tall, clean-shaven, tight legs, amazing ass, sexy French accent. Whew! I sat across from him and lost myself in his beauty. Yup. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever met.

“Oh, yes, ..um, I work on sets.. not build them. . . erm…what was that question again?”

I am blowing this interview…. Get it together! Oh damn! He asked me something else…

“Err..”

He looks at me as though I’m some stalker. I am certain he wishes he had taken the seat by the door. We both notice a book falling from the shelf.

“Is that an earthquake?” I ask, the first sentence I’ve offered with any clarity since he entered the room.

He stands and grabs my arm, “Yes, darling, we must move to a doorway.”

He called me darling.

And just that fast, the earthquake and Christopher are gone.

“Thank you for coming in,” he shouts from down the hall.

I get in the elevator, still numb. The elevator vibrates hard against the walls, metal clanging on concrete as an aftershock occurs. I keel over laughing.

Oh what he must think of me… how unprofessional!

But then, fate does believe in second chances.

Eight months later, the phone jars me awake at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. It’s Amanda, my production manager.

“Hey, do you have a current passport?”

“Yes,” I reply, reaching for a pen.

“Can you be ready to leave tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Here’s the deal. Meet me at Aerolineas Argentinas counter at 12 noon. We’re going to Buenos Aires to replace a feature production crew …Highlander something… a sequel. We’ll be there for 3 months. It’s fall there, winter when we come home. Pack accordingly. O.K?”

I am terrified to find out Christopher Lambert is the lead and even more afraid to “meet” him. It is uneventful… my humiliation remains secret.

I become involved in my work. This is a crew of over 1200, units all over the place, insurance claims up the wazoo. As luck would have it, I possess one of the only working phones on set. Christopher and his lovely assistant, Patty, regularly park at my desk.

We all become chummy. One night a group of us are out to dinner. Christopher suggests dancing. Many drinks and dances later, the group dwindles to Patty and me and like all good drunks I feel the need to confess.

“Icoulda hadyer jab, yaknow…if I onleeeeeeeee hedn’ta blernda innaview,” I shouted as I hug her on the dance floor.

I spill the beans and then my dinner.

The next morning, the realization sinks in. Nah, she was drunk too. She won’t remember. I try to reassure myself.

When I arrive at the office, Patty is waiting, grinning like a full Cheshire.

“You have to tell Christopher!”

“No – that’s the most embarrassing thing ever,” I plead.

She smiles and walks away.

I manage to avoid them both for days. Then, Christopher plops down in a chair across from me. I assume he needs my phone and end my conversation. Patty walks into the room… that damn, stupid grin still on her face.

“Patty says you have something to tell me,” he says.

“No, not really,” I beg off.

“You tell him or I will,” Patty laughs.

I relay the tale. He stares at me, searching for recognition in my face. I stare at the floor wondering if he could have me fired. The silence is deafening.

He finally speaks.

“I want to know one thing. You’ve always been professional, you know your job…you’re nothing like that girl I interviewed. If you found me too handsome to hold a conversation, how do you work with me every day?

“Oh, that’s easy,” I say, praying that I do know this man’s sense of humor. “Your hair’s grown out, you’ve got all that stubble and those blue eyes are awfully bloodshot with the hours we’ve been working. Basically, you do nothing for me looking like this.”

I both hold my breath. Maybe I will get fired, after all.

And then, he laughs. He laughs so hard, he falls out of his chair. Patty and I help him up. He spins round and hugs me, still laughing. He pushes me away and looks into my eyes.

“You really are full of crap!”

Ah… reputation redeemed.