Resolute

I don't believe in resolutions. I resolved a few years back to never make another. It's been the only resolution I've EVER stuck to! Browsing the Internet tonight, peeking in on some of my friend's public lives, I've been astounded by some of their lists. And overwhelmed. My goodness, these people have small children at home and are attacking everything from reading a book a month, to beads shows, to a dozen magazine projects to marathons.

I feel like I'm doing O.K. if I get something anything done every day! I admit, looking for work is a HUGE time suck! ...but necessary. And the fact that both my girl and I require an hour of outdoor activity, rain or shine at the creek every day adds to the schedule. So does getting there and home and the mandatory towel drying afterward. Maintaining my business websites and the time I devote to the marketing and administration of the bead collective I belong to takes more time. 

But all that being said, this is the first time in years where I've felt strong enough to want to kick my own butt out of submission and make some changes. On the other hand, I hate the idea of sharing such personal stuff so publicly. (I spend most days feeling like a failure. The public humiliation would kill me!)

My weight - which ballooned during my wheelchair time and continues a steady climb - has finally started to bug me. Not for health reasons... I'm oddly healthy (thank you creek!).  No, what little vanity I posses has reared it's ugly head.  

Twenty three years ago, I fell hard for a little girl. She is my best friend's real life niece. When she was but a toddler, her mother disappeared from her life for the first time... a pattern that would be repeated often. As luck would have it, the girl's aunts loved her fiercely. As did her grandparents and I and another old family friend.  This young lady often tells people she has five moms. I am lucky enough to be one.

And now, she is getting married. We've got a wedding to plan! And as the BFF pointed out, she's the only girl in the family and certainly the only daughter either of us will ever get to plan a wedding for! While I'm so excited for our girl, I guess I don't want to be "the blob" in the wedding pictures. Strange motivation...but I will take it!

As I sit here knowing full well I never got my bookkeeping under control as I have vowed for years to do; knowing that in a matter of days I will be mired in months of computer hell, I still feel like I want / need to just make some room in my life for other things.

So, I'm putting some new things on my daily to do list.

• Ride my fancy schmancy exercise bike that is gathering dust in my office. 
• Eat two servings of veggies per day. Considering that's two more than usual, that's a huge improvement!
• Clean something in this huge messy house every day. Throw away the broken. Donate the unneeded. 

There... it's down in black and white to be judged.