Down in the Dumps

I've been a bit down lately and I hate posting here when I am. I can fake it for the bead blog... but this place is all me...my haven; my one true place. I don't fake it well here. So maybe if I get it all off my chest, the fog will lift. Here goes:

Mother
My mom has been really sick. Scary sick. She's 87 and her mortality has always been near the surface of my fears ever since I was a child and my father died. Now that we have the correct diagnosis (equilibrium issues), she is on the mend. But it's been a frightening week. I bought and returned THREE plane tickets in one day, unable to decide if I should go to her or stay put. Of all the many versions of me, it's Indecisive Holly I dislike the most. In the end, my poor sister bore the brunt of this one with me making phone calls and giving advice from here.

The Website:
While working on my taxes, I started to distract myself with the need to totally rebuild my bead website (Still in progress...). You know I'm bored if html code suddenly sounds interesting. It has been an all consuming project which is what led to the next problem....

My Left Elbow:
My left arm is numb...like it's asleep ALL the time. I've somehow damaged a nerve in my arm. I never knew how many things I do with my non-dominant arm until it started hurting. I hang onto the phone as if I'm sliding off Mt. Everest. On the computer, my elbow remains on the edge of the desk until I need to two-handed type. I drive with my elbow resting on the window sill. When Mabel joins me on the sofa, I scoot to the right; to keep from falling off the edge, I lean left. I sleep on my left side with the elbow bent and the arm tucked under OR on my back, lots of pillows and weight on my left elbow. If my hands get cold, I tuck them under my behind and put more pressure on the elbow. I rest on that elbow making beads.

WHO KNEW my world could be turned upside down by one freaking little elbow???

I went to the local massage school yesterday for a $20 massage and managed to leave with feeling in my index finger and thumb. Now, if the rest of them would wake up...

The IRS:
I owe more money to the IRS than I have ever owed in my life! And yes, I'm spitting mad about it. I took money out of a retirement account because I had NOTHING at Christmas. I took the money to pay property taxes and my house note... that's it. No Christmas shopping - I didn't give gifts this year. NOTHING frivolous... just keeping a roof over my head. And even though my business lost money last year, I still owe... a penalty for taking my own damn money. ARGH!!!

It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't think it would be going to buy flowers for Nancy Pelosi or half of a screwdriver for the Pentagon.

The Job Prospects:
I send out resumes all the time and have come to accept I may not hear back as I always seem to be grossly overqualified or missing ONE thing out of literally forty required skills. But I've applied for no less than three jobs in the past month that I am a dead on skill match for. And... NOTHING.

But, there is always one cheery, wonderful thing in every blessed day. The one creature who can get me out of my head and out of my house. The girl who always makes me laugh. Here she is on a hike with Twinkie's pack.

And, you might enjoy this photo essay of the girl eating cream with her furiends from Twinkie's blog. And... these next pics are not photoshopped at all...just cropped! Hope they make you smile!