Thursday, April 15, 2010

Down in the Dumps

I've been a bit down lately and I hate posting here when I am. I can fake it for the bead blog... but this place is all haven; my one true place. I don't fake it well here. So maybe if I get it all off my chest, the fog will lift. Here goes:

My mom has been really sick. Scary sick. She's 87 and her mortality has always been near the surface of my fears ever since I was a child and my father died. Now that we have the correct diagnosis (equilibrium issues), she is on the mend. But it's been a frightening week. I bought and returned THREE plane tickets in one day, unable to decide if I should go to her or stay put. Of all the many versions of me, it's Indecisive Holly I dislike the most. In the end, my poor sister bore the brunt of this one with me making phone calls and giving advice from here.

The Website:
While working on my taxes, I started to distract myself with the need to totally rebuild my bead website (Still in progress...). You know I'm bored if html code suddenly sounds interesting. It has been an all consuming project which is what led to the next problem....

My Left Elbow:
My left arm is it's asleep ALL the time. I've somehow damaged a nerve in my arm. I never knew how many things I do with my non-dominant arm until it started hurting. I hang onto the phone as if I'm sliding off Mt. Everest. On the computer, my elbow remains on the edge of the desk until I need to two-handed type. I drive with my elbow resting on the window sill. When Mabel joins me on the sofa, I scoot to the right; to keep from falling off the edge, I lean left. I sleep on my left side with the elbow bent and the arm tucked under OR on my back, lots of pillows and weight on my left elbow. If my hands get cold, I tuck them under my behind and put more pressure on the elbow. I rest on that elbow making beads.

WHO KNEW my world could be turned upside down by one freaking little elbow???

I went to the local massage school yesterday for a $20 massage and managed to leave with feeling in my index finger and thumb. Now, if the rest of them would wake up...

The IRS:
I owe more money to the IRS than I have ever owed in my life! And yes, I'm spitting mad about it. I took money out of a retirement account because I had NOTHING at Christmas. I took the money to pay property taxes and my house note... that's it. No Christmas shopping - I didn't give gifts this year. NOTHING frivolous... just keeping a roof over my head. And even though my business lost money last year, I still owe... a penalty for taking my own damn money. ARGH!!!

It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't think it would be going to buy flowers for Nancy Pelosi or half of a screwdriver for the Pentagon.

The Job Prospects:
I send out resumes all the time and have come to accept I may not hear back as I always seem to be grossly overqualified or missing ONE thing out of literally forty required skills. But I've applied for no less than three jobs in the past month that I am a dead on skill match for. And... NOTHING.

But, there is always one cheery, wonderful thing in every blessed day. The one creature who can get me out of my head and out of my house. The girl who always makes me laugh. Here she is on a hike with Twinkie's pack.

And, you might enjoy this photo essay of the girl eating cream with her furiends from Twinkie's blog. And... these next pics are not photoshopped at all...just cropped! Hope they make you smile!


Snowbrush said...

Maybe you follow Renee's blog (Circling My Head). She died recently, and her daughter posted today about her grief over her mother.

Peggy went through similar issues about whether it was time to fly to Mississippi when her own mother was on the decline. Peggy missed her mother's death and will always feel badly about it, but it's not always possible to know when to go. You do your best and live with it.

Peanuts Creations said...

What would we do without our furry kids...they get us through so many of lifes trials. Wishing the best for your Mom and you.
PS: It's so cool that you have a doggy cafe near you!

ordinaryjanet said...

Gee, you have a lot on your mind these days. You're in my thoughts, and I'm glad you have Mabel to keep things from absolutely sucking.

ordinaryjanet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
rottrover said...

I just awoke to a kissing competition! There's no way to be sad, grumpy, anxious or depressed in moments like those, or those in your pictures. I love Mabel and Twinkie sand-dancing!

CreekHiker said...

Snow, It's so rough when mom is sick... she's one strong woman!

Peanuts.... we have SEVERAL! We are spoiled!

Janet, yes, she is my sunshine!

Rott, Can't wait to steal some of those rotten kisses from your pack! Don't those pics of Mabel and Twink look FAKE??? They really are not!

Twinkietinydog said...

BOL, sorry Mabel, but I was thinking of posting about us, making you look like the big bad wolf (as a joke, my good furiend) when I stopped by your blog, um, your mommy's blog, and saw this. The photos I have in mind are similar, just a different set. Hmm. Let's see if I have it up by tomorrow. I love teasing you!!
Love you,

Ebook Author Missouri said...

Thanks for following my blog, Oreo and I are helping shelter dogs by donating dog toys this month!!!

Every paw counts ... hope this message brightens up your day!!!

Dory and the Mama said...

What a week...We hope things start looking up for you soon!! I can totally relate to the job hunt thing...

Hopefully this will help start this week off right. You have been selected as one of the three winners in our GABE contest. We emailed you, but wanted to make sure you received the email!!

Hope things start looking up soon!!
The Mama and Dory

3 doxies said...

Hey, you is a friend of Twinks. Any friend of Twink's is a friend of mine.
What a crappy week, no offense! You know seriously...peoples can only takes so much. At least your mum is on da mend and you knows what is wrong. I knows that musts have been a hard decision on whethers or not to go or not.
Uh taxes...I ain't nuttin to say bouts that! It don't make no CENTS to me.

My mum's cousin was raised with rotties. The last one hed had was extremly protective and loyal of him...and a little goofy but SMART. Mum's cousin (to not be politically correct is a dwarf) dog found da need to watch out for him.

Birgit said...

Holly, I wish you just the very best -- you certainly deserve it.


PS: I love the dog photos! :)