Tuesday, April 21, 2015

I'm Half Alive but I Feel Mostly Dead

Sigh... You know that really tired down deep in your bones? Yeah, I got that. Today was the first day in about three weeks I didn't  have to be somewhere . I still had things to do: beads to ship, rubber stamp orders that have been piling up for weeks. Instead of doing what I should, I hung out in my pjs, drank a second cuppa, snoozed, made lunch, slept hard, hiked hard and got my tomatoes in the ground after dark.

This last week has been particularly emotional and grueling. I've been working a lot and feeling a bit lost without those boys I got to teach for 22 days. I got to see them yesterday after a week away. I got a hug from all of them. Made my day! But being back on a single track teaching gig has my head spinning. Last week I taught TK (4-5 year olds)... my hugger was also a puker that day! Next was 6th grade. Then it was 10th grade math, followed by psychology and American history for 12th grade - Where the prof had the audacity to call Elvis the "supposed King of Rock and Roll!" SUPPOSED??? WTH??? He didn't give himself the name like the supposed King of Pop did! That our society has regressed so far that Elvis has become the supposed King makes me sit here shaking my head wondering about the future of the planet.

Two people I know passed away last week. One was an Internet friend but a political blogger I've read for years who had lots of real life ties to people I know. We had become friends on Facebook a few months ago after his mom passed away and... I so wanted to meet him someday. I find it sadly ironic he died after seeing the dentist. The other was someone from real life that I haven't gotten to see much in recent years. Surgical procedure / complications / blood clots / heart failure / life support. Each update was sadder than the last. And one of my California family is battling cancer. That my sister adored him (and Mom too) makes it that much sadder. My mom asks for updates daily as if some miracle is bound to happen...making me ache that there is nothing new or good to tell her.

I tell you all this to explain...I'm just tired, exhausted and wonder if the world is ever going to feel normal (better??) ever again.

 All is not dark and sad or tired. This girl brings me great joy every day! Look at her playing with a new toy a friend sent her:


I hope we'll get back into our blogging routine soon...

*apologies to Jewel for the title.

9 comments:

Mark Muller said...

I'm so sorry for your friends ... and I hope for a miracle for the one who has to fight agains the big C.
I'm glad your girl is on your side to support you ...
oh and I agree for Elvis he was the king of rock n'roll... no ifs not butts :o)
hugs to you and the girl
easy rider

Angel Pip and Ruby said...

So sorry for the loss of your two friends and your family member struggling with cancer. I do know that deep down tired feeling ...sometimes all you can do is let go (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.)

Sending you much peace and support across the miles.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

So sorry to hear that life isn't too great right now. Losing dear friends and battling the despair that goes along with a family member fighting the evil C is not a lot of fun. We hope today is a better day. Good girl, Macy Blue for making your Mom have some rays of sunshine in her day.

Woos - Ciara and Lightning

Millie and Walter said...

Sorry to hear about all the sadness in your life right now. We are glad you have Miss Macy Blue to bring some sunshine to your days. We are sending hugs to you that you will feel better soon.

Snowbrush said...

I live as you describe. In my case it's constant pain and sleepless nights, wondering how much longer I can even do yard work, dreading when the house needs painting, etc.

Dory and the Mama said...

Hang in there!!

KB Bear said...

I'm so glad that your girl brings you joy each day in the midst of all that you're facing in life. I'm thinking of you. It sure sounds like life has been rough lately.

betsymn said...

Sorry life is dumping on you right now, and hope things start getting happier soon.

K9friend said...

I'm so sorry for the round of bad news. Take a deep breath and love on your sweet Macy. Soon the sun will warm your soul again.

Pat
Critter Alley