Monday, October 01, 2012

Relentless Sadness


It would seem I missed my usual July funk but it hit with a vengeance in September. It's not one thing and it's not my mother... It's just a lot of things... I'm hoping by purging my list, I can purge my mind and move on...


  1. I miss Mango. I'm sobbing just writing his name. I know I didn't know him for reals, but my heart hurts just the same. He, his mom and his labradork brother, Dexter, brought much joy to many and especially to me. His sudden death while I had no phone or internets last week was shocking and painful.    The big guys is sorely missed!
  2.  I'm very sad about the state of sales of lampwork glass beads and the first world women that don't think their time is worth even Chinese wages. It's only served to reinforce how bad I need gainful employment... which makes me even sadder.
  3. The people who read that blog post in #2 and couldn't see past my sassy attitude to the point that I was actually trying to make tire me. Oh the tediousness of trying to explain that I would rather punch someone who hurts me and hurts my business instead of giving them a hug!
  4. It saddens me that, at the age of 48, I still feel the need to explain and apologize for being direct. I have  been chastised my whole life for my tone and my direct nature. Everyone in my family speaks this way. NO ONE means to offend...certainly not me... yet we are all offended by each other. And the world is certainly offended by us. That has to be one of the top reasons I never wanted to marry. I simply didn't feel like apologizing any more and certainly not in the privacy of my own home. If a man is direct, no one says a word... but let a woman be direct and the world doesn't know what to do with her...especially since we don't burn them at the stake any more... 
  5. We learned last week that my sister's tumors in her lungs are growing again, the first setback since stopping chemo seven months ago. We were told that people in this advanced stage of lung cancer usually only make it six months... so we've made another hurdle but it's so difficult being so far away. And dealing with a mother who is in denial and how that hurts my sister makes me even sadder.
  6. The relatives on Facebook who always ask me how she is but never take the time to pick up the phone or send her a card make me sad and angry.
  7. Add in that I have a sinus infection, no funds for the doc or antibiotics and it's a hundred and freaking six outside and you'll understand why I'm taking to my bed at 11 am on a Monday.

6 comments:

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Oh, I am so very sorry for all of this. Please try to stay hopeful. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, The OP Pack Mom

Mango Momma said...

Ouch. This just sounds awful. First of all, thanks for your thoughts and words about Mango. He has left a pretty big hole in our lives.

I am so sorry about your business. I can't argue with anything you said. And, no, being direct isn't bad. I have learned to care less about it as I've gotten older because people do react badly to a direct and practical woman, but now I just say "f*#k 'em!" For real.

I am so sorry about your sister. How frightening for her and for you. Family can make you crazy, and no more so than in times of crisis. Hopefully you can focus on your sister and leave your mother out of it as much as possible. You need to take care of yourself.

Mango Momma

24 Paws of Love said...

Sorry you're down and out. Hope you feel better soon. Sibe Vibes coming your way! :)

Snowbrush said...

I'm sorry you're down. I go there a lot, so I think I do have some understanding. Peggy was crying this morning about our schnauzer, Baxter, who died nearly two years ago. She said it was harder losing him than losing her mother, and I have the same feeling about him and other dogs I've lost. They're like children who never grow up and certainly never leave home.

Oh, your poor sister. Gosh, how horrible. Lung cancer was actually killed Baxter, and I have no idea to this day whether it is malady that often afflicts schnauzers or if he was a rarity.

As for craftspeople and artists who don't charge enough for their work, I often look at such work and think that very thing. Peggy wanted us to make shadow to sell since we do it for her button collection, and are therefore set-up and experienced at it. But I've seen them for sale for around $30, and I don't know if that would even come to minimum after materials, tools, travel expenses, show fees, and such.

Anyway, kiddo, I sure hope the fact that your funk came late means that it's a half-ass funk that's too lazy to stay around long.

Priscilla said...

I am so sorry to hear that you have been through such a rough time. Please stay strong and be positive. We will be thinking of you and your family.

Mr. Pip said...

I am sorry I am late on this one ...no need to apologize to us! Keep speaking your mind and to hell with everyone else!

I am sorry things are rough for you right now. I didn't know your sister was so sick and I am sorry ...

Sending you many hopeful vibes and good wishes!

Your pal, Pip