It would seem I missed my usual July funk but it hit with a vengeance in September. It's not one thing and it's not my mother... It's just a lot of things... I'm hoping by purging my list, I can purge my mind and move on...
- I miss Mango. I'm sobbing just writing his name. I know I didn't know him for reals, but my heart hurts just the same. He, his mom and his labradork brother, Dexter, brought much joy to many and especially to me. His sudden death while I had no phone or internets last week was shocking and painful. The big guys is sorely missed!
- I'm very sad about the state of sales of lampwork glass beads and the first world women that don't think their time is worth even Chinese wages. It's only served to reinforce how bad I need gainful employment... which makes me even sadder.
- The people who read that blog post in #2 and couldn't see past my sassy attitude to the point that I was actually trying to make tire me. Oh the tediousness of trying to explain that I would rather punch someone who hurts me and hurts my business instead of giving them a hug!
- It saddens me that, at the age of 48, I still feel the need to explain and apologize for being direct. I have been chastised my whole life for my tone and my direct nature. Everyone in my family speaks this way. NO ONE means to offend...certainly not me... yet we are all offended by each other. And the world is certainly offended by us. That has to be one of the top reasons I never wanted to marry. I simply didn't feel like apologizing any more and certainly not in the privacy of my own home. If a man is direct, no one says a word... but let a woman be direct and the world doesn't know what to do with her...especially since we don't burn them at the stake any more...
- We learned last week that my sister's tumors in her lungs are growing again, the first setback since stopping chemo seven months ago. We were told that people in this advanced stage of lung cancer usually only make it six months... so we've made another hurdle but it's so difficult being so far away. And dealing with a mother who is in denial and how that hurts my sister makes me even sadder.
- The relatives on Facebook who always ask me how she is but never take the time to pick up the phone or send her a card make me sad and angry.
- Add in that I have a sinus infection, no funds for the doc or antibiotics and it's a hundred and freaking six outside and you'll understand why I'm taking to my bed at 11 am on a Monday.