Friday, October 08, 2010

Mabel Lou's Tips for Blanket Stealing

Mabel Lou here. After my mom's nasty post about me stealing the blanket, I thought I would share some of my tips for you other canines that have blanket inequality in your house.

But first, I have to tell you my mom has me pretty steamed. She always talks sweet baby talk to me but when you listen to the words... they are not so nice! This is what she says in her sweetest, sing-songy voice:

I told those people at the doggie jail I wanted a sweet little poopy dog but they sent me home with a bed hog. Yep, You're a beg hog in poopy dog clothing!

A bed hog??? How dare her!???! I can assure you, I AM a poopy dog! Silly Mama!

And I wouldn't hog covet Mama's side of the bed if I could get a decent soft fluffy fuzzy blankie of my own!

Now, on to my tips. When your human scolds you for taking their blanket, feign ignorance. Pretend you don't hear them.

 "Shhh! I need my beauty rest!"

If that fails, pretend you are sleeping soundly and they are disturbing you. Act confused. This will scare your human!

"Huh? Wha?"

If they keep insisting that you move, act like you have an owie. This will cause your human to become concerned and possibly leave you alone on the soft blankie for the evening. But... WARNING... they may try to give you medicine!!! So use this technique with great caution!
"MOOooom? Mah elbow hurtzes"

Next, try making sweet eyes at the human. This trick works most of the time!
"I wuv you, Mama. You're pretty!"

If the sweet eyes trick fails, just try to look cute! Rare is the human who doesn't give in to cute! 
"You don't REALLY want me to move, do you? Look at ME! I'm SO cute!"

So let's say all that fails and you have to move. Go back and read my tips above! Seriously. O.K. even a trickster like me has an occasional off night.  Here's what to do if they make you move.  

The half n half. Just what it says. At least you still get some of the soft fuzzy blankie... better than none.

 "O.K. I moved. Can we go to sleep now?"

This is another version of the half n half...Place your body length down the blankies. When the human starts making those weird deep mouth noises, it's safe to roll on over onto the soft fuzzy! They won't be the wiser for hours! 

 "I'm ready for bed now..."
If forced to move, you MUST manage to get part of your bottom on the soft fuzzy, wait until your human falls asleep and do a move I call "the twist." Instead of getting up and turning around as we are all apt to do, raise up to a sitting position and with your bottom firmly in place, turn around! This brings a lot of the blankie with you!!! Get up and readjust... you're winning this battle! WARNING - your human may wake up cold and kick you out of bed altogether... so try not to steal too much... I went overboard on this demo:
Oops! That's the top edge of Mama's blankie over there on the left!

And if nothing above works for you, when you do move, try, for the dignity of all of us, TRY to claim the tiniest portion of the soft fuzzy... It makes the point that we canines deserve the best! Then, look at your human with poor, pitiful eyes... as if they've crushed your very soul.

 "Mean Mama! Mean Mama! WHY won't you buy me my own soft fuzzy? WHY, WHY, WHY???"


Anonymous said...

Spot already knows these tricks, but I'm not going to let him read the post because he doesn't need any more ideas!

What you call the twist, I call the swivel. Spot can do a 180 in two seconds flat!

rottrover said...

One additional tip, Mabel -- invisibility fur! If you act like they can't see you, then you're not really on the bed at all. It's all in their twisted OLD imaginations!

CreekHiker / HollysFolly said...

HEY RUBY! You need to help your auntie who always has kisses for you and not the old bitch who always barks at you!

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Mabel, those are some great tips. But we still need to figure out how to convince the humans to let us on the bed.

Happy weekend.

Woos, Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

rottrover said...

Us bedhogs gotta stick together :) Sorry Auntie. I still love you.

Mango said...

You seem to have really studied this topic and it shows. Those are all wonderful suggestions. I really liked the fake owie one. And I can do that bottom pivot, no problem. Thanks, and good luck getting more soft blanket time.


Mango said...

You know momma has tennis ball elbow from throwing the tennis ball too hard for PeeWee cracker dog. I sure hope you don't have that.


Santa, Minnie and Christmas said...

Thanks Mabel Lou for those great tips. We adults have known those tricks but now that we have young ones at home, they will need to learn a thing or two here!

the booker man said...

miss mabel lou!
i can't take it anymore! send me your snail mail address RIGHT NOW. i will take care of this blankey showdown!!!

the booker man