I find it so hard to believe I used to have so much to say. Every hike with Mabel was a freaking adventure... she was always into something! But between my abject depression over the work situation and the fact I have the best hiking buddy in the world, there is nothing to see or talk about.
Our creek has dried up and we've resorted to going to sketchy areas in search of swims.
We were meeting friends for a "late" morning hike 2 weeks ago... 8:30 am! Plans got changed and Maizy and I went alone on the mountain trail shortly before 9. It was so blazing hot and the water was in the car! We had to negotiate from shade puddle to shade puddle. We were both so drained from the heat, I was afraid one or both of us wouldn't make it off the mountain! You could see my heart beat outside my t-shirt even when I was standing still!
"I swear the next shade puddle is right around that bend!"
It was so hot... I've never seen MT simply refuse to keep moving! It was scary and I have to never do anything that stupid again! The heat just gets to me way more than it did when I was younger.
But now that my beloved job is over and the reality that I may never have it so good ever again is setting in...it's too hard to make myself do anything but rest. I'm trying to be gentle with myself. Transitions are hard but getting harder. And, I have only taken 9 1/2 hours of vacation in a year and 9 months.
MT and I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
Canine communication really is a wonderful thing. When you spend lots of time with your dog (MT and I are together 24/7 every day but Mondays when I run errands and see doctors.), if you have the most basic of observation skills, you begin to understand what your pup is "saying."
It's no secret that I've been frustrated with Maizy True's progress using her AAC device. We do have amazing moments with it. I gave her "yes / no" buttons last Saturday and was modeling. "Coffee / no," "Water / yes." I got the bright idea to model with her toy. I picked it up and was teasing Maizy and saying "play / yes." Then I laid the toy down and said "play / no."
She seemed interested, taking it all in. I got more animated, tickling her with her toy as I pressed "play / yes." Then, I threw the toy down, pressed "play / no" and walked toward the kitchen.
While my back was turned, she pressed, "hike / yes!" I begged nooooo. Hike later. Too hot. But, she was up and out the door! So we took the hottest hike ever and I nearly died all because I wanted to reward her for using a brand new button minutes after getting it!
The other day, I had to call my cable company. It's one of those frustrating robo "press this / press that / confirm your account / I'm sorry I didn't get that" situations. (I seriously think every CEO should have to attempt to reach her company's customer service on a monthly basis as part of her job!) I usually end up screaming into the phone. Maizy often moves far away from me as soon as she realizes I'm on the phone with a recording. She jumped off the sofa. I thought she was going to get in her bed. But she walked over her board, pausing on her bed and with her BACK FOOT, pressed "outside" and stood by the door. Our first back foot press!!!
But it was no button press at all that astounded me today! We had slept late and it was almost time for her normal breakfast. I keep trying to find ways to give her choices in hopes she will interact with me on the board more. So, I asked "Maizy / eat" now or "Maizy / hike" now? I waited. I could see her thinking... She turned and walked to the closet where her neighborhood walking tack is stored and looked at the door! She was very clearly telling me she wanted to stick with her usual routine of exercise first / eat after...even if breakfast would be late!
It's a good reminder to communicate in whatever form it comes in!
You're probably wondering if I've disappeared again... and I admit I have not been great about posting. I thought Maizy's talking skills would give me oodles to talk about...but she's slow learner and not talkative. And that's OK.
But I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world. I've lost the only job I ever loved!
I realize most of you probably have no idea what I've been up to. I lost my high school teaching job due to COVID. They wanted to return all their teacher specialists to the classrooms (which no longer existed). I worked so much harder during those first months of COVID, trying desperately to engage the disengaged teenagers...it was exhausting. Still, I managed to realize two of my favorite kiddos were suicidal and get them help... all while working over zoom and google classroom.
But when it was over, I really didn't care! I made feeble attempts at looking for another teaching position but, something inside me told me it would not be a safe environment for me. Not with COVID out there. I am diabetic and not at my ideal weight; I have asthma. And I never knew if I would have to dash off to Louisiana to see about Mom. I was terrified of her dying of that crap! It didn't help that a sorority sister of mine died from it the second week we were on lock-down. (I've since lost an older hiking buddy to it as well.)
By late summer, I knew I needed a better plan. I started thinking about the pandemic and realized contact tracing was an "at home" job. So I started applying and got hired... terrified I had to drive to West L.A. to fill out paperwork in some office! But, while there, they sized me up as "leadership material" and I found myself a middle management job leading a team of contact tracers in the ever-changing world of pandemic driven public health.
It was a 3 month job I started in September of 2020. I thought by January of 2021, I'd take a midyear sub job and return to teaching "when COVID is over." I'll wait while you finish laughing................
That December, my contract was bought out by a company with longer term ties to public health...same job, different employer of record. That contact was for a few months, then a year, then 10 more months. It was supposed to end in October. But with the surge we are in now and the one predicted this winter... with our superintendent of schools not requiring vaccines for children until next fall (!!!!!!)... with Monkey pox, AIDS, hepatitis flares.... and every health agency I meet with saying that contact tracing needs to be a permanent part of public health...I fully expected the contract to be extended again (and again. )
But three weeks ago, I woke up in a panic attack. I was freaking out about finding a new job in a new career at my age! I just assumed I was thinking of October. In truth, my Pisces spidey senses were being triggered. A week ago, as our work week started there was suddenly a company wide meeting. And I knew... My employees tried to stay so positive. It was announced a 50% work force reduction was coming. I met with my team and told them any of us could go...it could be me. They scoffed. I fill in for my boss when she's out. They thought that somehow made me immune. The next day, when the letters were to come out, I was headed to oral surgery. My boss sent me lovely text...something she's never done in the three previous oral surgeries I've had since working there. And I knew for certain, I was on the list. I had my letter right after surgery was over. Every one in my position in my division was cut. All but one of contact tracers was cut.
This is all happening due to the loss of federal funding. The Repulican'ts won't pass the COVID bill...sigh.
It's weird...I've never MET these people. But I love them! And I love my job! That's something I've never said in 44 years of work. I have felt valued and appreciated. I know my team has saved lives. It's been such a great ride!
And here I am, starting over again and no idea where to go.
From the time I added new words (Coffee, Help and hike), Maizy has seemed a bit overwhelmed and I wonder if she'll ever get it. As a teacher, I know that learning is never linear... just some upward line. That line has a lot of peaks and valleys. But I swear, we have more valleys than peaks!
If you are following online on my data keeping, you probably wonder if I remember to write it all down or just skip days. Truth be told, I do NOT! She has days on end with no words! It's so frustrating.
I know Maizy is smart. She's almost "Mabel-smart" (hey, Mabel could triangulate math!). She takes to things so quickly and I guess that makes this journey all the more frustrating.
I'm sticking to the advice of waiting a week or so before adding new buttons, even if she is not interacting with them. Keep modeling - I'm so freaking tired of announcing my exits and dining habits. Keep target training.
I thought I had an original idea the other night. Maizy loves to watch tv. I've never had a dog give a flip about television. The bad part is: There cannot be a dog on tv... Maizy barks her freaking head off. Jeez, she's loud for a little dog! But I put Bunny, Bastian & Stella videos (google those names with "talking dog" if you want to be amazed!) on tv while I was getting ready for bed.
After one of our videos played on accident, Maizy was scream barking at herself! I was kinda dreading what was next. To my surprise, she watched intently!!! The next day, we had a record breaking FIVE button presses! Turns out, watching other dogs interact with their buttons is a recommended training technique. I'm not so smart after all!
Since that day, we've had one a day and NONE today... and yes, we got new buttons yesterday! We are up to 12 now. So I guess today's regression is expected. But is sure is disheartening to deal with.
Eight days after giving Maizy her buttons, she FLOORED ME with a request.
First a little backstory. My knee is a hot mess....worker's comp issue from teaching emotional disturbance. It really slows us down on our morning neighborhood walks. We used to get home early enough for both of us to have a leisurely breakfast and time left over for me to drink coffee on the back porch. Maizy True loves to sit next to me as I drink coffee... She's hoping for the dregs of my cup and the scritches make it all the better.
But with my knee acting up, most days for the last few months, I've walked the door and had to start work immediately. I don't have time for coffee, much less food and MT has to wait until I can take a quick break for her breakfast.
But we had gotten an early start that Saturday about 10 days ago. I fed Maizy and decided I had time to put my leg up while I drank coffee. I was standing by the sofa, cup in hand, trying to make sure I wasn't about to sit on the remote. Maizy had been finishing her breakfast and I wasn't really paying attention to where she was. She pressed her WATER button! I looked at her bowls... she had water.
It slowly started to dawn on me that you drink water and you drink coffee... Could Maizy be generalizing? No sooner did I decide she was making some reference to my coffee, she pressed OUTSIDE and looked out the door!
Was Maizy asking for coffee on the porch?? I pressed WATER and OUTSIDE and headed out the door, followed by a very happy Maizy True!
I was so excited. She was not only engaging with the buttons, she was applying meaning!
Note: I wrote this post DEEP into my first year of teaching a program that school districts like to label Emotionally Disturbed. I was cleaning out some old drafts and decided to share it with you all. I've been trying to come to terms with what I've been up to since 2015 and I feel it's time to let go... and I do that by writing. So here goes....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign from my E.D. Classroom
"What the f)(& am I supposed to do with him all day?" he screamed at me.
I was stunned into silence for 10 seconds. I was on the phone with the baby daddy of one of my students. Teen father to a now 11 year old troubled boy with a hair-pin trigger on his temper. Now I know he comes by it biologically.
I had called him early...before school started...to tell him that his child had tooth pain. I knew I had woke him up. He works nights. His mother who helps him raise his son raises the boy for him was out of town.
I finally answered, "He's your son..."
He released another barrage of f bombs on me. "Doesn't that effing school have an effing nurse to give him some medicine?"
"Actually sir, we only contract with a nurse for services one day a week and today is not that day...and besides, we can't DRUG your child. If you get a prescription, you can..."
"What kind of effing school are your running there with a effing nurse one day a week? What a effing loser school. I guess I'll pick his a$$ up and take him to the ER?"
I interrupted him, "I'll have the paperwork ready to go in the office." I hung up stunned.
How can someone talk about their child that way? This boy's behavior makes so much more sense. I see him elated every Friday. "Dad's gonna take me ___________ (motocrossing, skateboarding, to the beach, to a movie, snowboarding...)"
And come Monday, his spirit is dragging behind him on the sidewalk.
"What's the matter Bub... Dad had to work?" (Didn't feel like doing anything with you, lied to you, doesn't give a flip what he promised you days ago?)
"Yeeaah," he says deflated, defeated and lost.
I sobbed before I got the kids that morning. I hated to think that I had to send this boy home, away from the teachers and aides who love him and want the best for him to spend the day and weekend (and rest of his life) with his pathetic dad.
There are days I love my job. And there are days I wonder if I'm strong enough to keep it.
Well, this isn't the first time Maizy True spoke... but it IS the first time on camera!!! Yes, I was bribing her with brisket!!!
She has made a 2 word request on Saturday...not on camera, but I just about died! I'm so proud of her! Many dogs take months to begin interacting and I know she is applying meaning to the buttons.
My house is NOT camera ready ya'll!! But that's another issue! I'm loving this journey with her!
But there is so much to do to PREPARE for this little talking dog experiment! Things I never thought of! You really need to do some data tracking. Many people write things down but Maizy currently has 16 responses that I've bothered to record. It's a good idea to keep track this way...it's searchable. It's easier to look for patterns such as time of day or frequent words when they have a larger vocabulary. One of the dogs from the many boards I follow actually kept talking about "pee" and a day later said "pee ouch".... had a UTI!! So seeing the pattern is important.
On a side note, the Fluent Pet bulletin board page TheyCanTalk.org has many of the getting started resources if you are interested. It was there I learned how to create the form that fills in her data tracking. I had used forms to assess students when I was teaching online early in the pandemic so it was a pretty easy jump for me. Maizy's form looks like this:
I can pull it up on my phone and I can also edit that spreadsheet if I think of something later...or make meaning of what she was trying to say with her limited 5 word vocabulary!
Then there is button placement planning. The "old timers" have really scared the heck out of me. All of the ones I follow have had to move the buttons for some reason or another... realizing one button is used most often with a word that's waaaayyy over there is a frequent complaint. And when the buttons get moved... the dogs regress and stop using them for a while! Think about it: HOW would you feel if you got up and someone decided the S on your keyboard needs to be by the T? And the A would work better by the F? It would befuddle you! And dogs have a shutting down reaction to this.
While I've found many of the circular layouts on TheyCanTalk.org helpful... I'm a spreadsheet girl. So I made a simply Excel sheet with blocks of six .... six words fit on a soundboard... and grouped by theme. This is my most current board plan and...it changes daily.
And then, if you want to share this... and I've never wanted to share anything MORE... there's all the social media BS to deal with. UGH!
Well, the buttons have arrived! I gave her one to start: OUTSIDE. A few days later, I added "water" and "eat." I added two tiles. I'm working on tile layout and design. So many of the talking dogs I admire have had a total regression when a pawrent had to move the buttons around.
Maizy True has sniffed around them but nothing so far. It occurred to me that she doesn't know the meaning of "touch" so we are working on target training:
In the meantime, I'm making spreadsheets and planning for future buttons. Just wish there was some indication she will engage with it. I have bells on both outside doors and she does ring those when we she wants out.
In the mean time, I'm modeling, modeling, modeling...constantly! I announce my exit of the house and make a big deal out of both of us drinking water and eating. "Mom EAT now. Maizy EAT later. I've gone back into "total teacher mode," over-enunciating every thing I say to her. I make a point of talking to her in AAC speak, instead of our usual conversational tone. "Wanna go for a walk?" is now "Want WALK now, Hmmmm????"
So in the last few years I have become OBSESSED with the talking dogs who use AAC devices to communicate. If you ever doubted dogs are sentient beings, you would most certainly change your mind when you follow some these pups. I've seen dogs "talk" about their day, express likes and dislikes. One of the pup recently informed their "mom" of a UTI! It's utterly fascinating.
And as Maizy True is so freaking smart and I love her so darn much, I really would like to know what she has to say! So we are all in. Here is the unboxing vid and we have recorded a "outside" button and it's by the back door.
I will say, the "Chinese rubber" smell is UNBEARABLE to someone with my allergies so all the pads / button holders are detoxing and off-gassing on the back porch! Anyone know how long it takes for the odor to dissipate?
I was kicked of Facebook twice in recent months. It would seem they think I'm a violent person. I'll wait while you laugh...
But what the real problem is comes down to Facebook Community Standards lack of understanding the Southern vernacular. The things I said are harmless in the Southern Vernacular but "Bless Your Heart" is deadly on the tongue of a wicked woman.
Here's what went down:
Scenario 1 - last fall: My cousin posted a video of fake snakes dropping from trees over inner tubers.
There is nothing I find more terrifying to me than snakes and this joke is particularly upsetting to me. I still remember when I was about 12 and a king snake (not that I stopped to notice his pedigree) fell into our boat on Dixie Springs Lake in Summit, Mississippi. It was mere moments later when I decided I could walk on water. My poor step dad was wrestling a snake with one hand and holding on to the waistband of my jeans with the other! Needless to say, this joke is a worst nightmare for me.
So I commented on my cousin's post, "I would have to kill somebody!"
Which, if you know Southern vernacular, I doesn't mean I want to harm anyone. It simply means, I gonna get you back for that...probably with an equally horrible joke!
What Facebook doesn't know is my cousin is cop and mandated reporter. If she thought I was a threat to anyone, or myself, she would have done something. She laughed at my comment and my suspension.
Within seconds of that post, Facebook has already made my post invisible and sent a message that I had violated community standards. OK... I'll remove it. But NOOOOooo. I can't even see the post again! What a stupid way to deal with that! But life goes on...
Scenario 2 Late January- A sorority sister who is outspoken and has sass for days posted a meme to the effect of "I don't need a vaccine. I've got the "Freedom Virus!"" Minutes before, my mom's nursing home had called to inform me of her Covid positive test. I was livid. I thought my mom had received her 3rd shot last fall, but no, she had not. It had only recently been approved in Mississippi (months after the CDC approved it!).
I also am shocked that workers in nursing homes are not required to be vaccinated. Visitors are not required to be vaccinated. I find that appalling! I was hurt, worried and angry.
I replied to the post with: "Just found out my 98yo mom has covid. I guess I'm going to have to kidnap her across state lines to get her properly vaccinated!"
Which, if you know Southern vernacular, "kidnap" is as common as a birthday party! I actually did kidnap my college friend to take him to his surprise birthday party....blindfold and restraints were used! But we also were making no effort to hide our voices and lit his cigarettes for him. He wasn't scared at all!
But it's nothing to say, "I'm just gonna kidnap you and go have lunch and mani pedis one day!"
I was immediately "banned" from Facebook for 2 days. Ok. That's fine. But I am a scarred and wrecked individual who has had to deal with rejection my whole life. If you don't want me...I don't want you for longer! So I decide Facebook gets a 3 x ban. I would go for 8 days. As FB lost over $200 BILLION while I was gone, I willingly accept full credit for that! LOL!
What Facebook doesn't know is that thread was full of other sorority
sisters who know I have power of attorney over my mother and it's MY
business where I take her and if I choose to get her properly vaccinated.
While I was off Facebook, I started on all the taxes: mine, the business, Mom's. It went quick. I didn't miss it. But 8 days later I was back on for 1/2 a day when "Facebook Community Standards had reviewed my account" and saw that first post and decided I needed a time out for 2 weeks for "repeated violations." My posts would be visible on my wall but would get "pushed down" in the feeds of my friends.
So...2 weeks for me and 6 weeks for Facebook. I've been off for two months and I honestly haven't missed it! I don't miss "doom-scrolling" for hours on the weekends. My birthday came and went and instead of the uncomfortable bombardment of messages, I had the peace and quiet I crave with only a few calls from my closest friends. I realized the illusion that I have so many "friends" ...is just that.
I have found I really enjoy actually watching some things on the telly...instead of ignoring it while I scroll on Facebook. I actually love doing Sudoko and Mah Jong puzzles on my ipad. I've taking drawing classes on Youtube. I've made some jewelry for the first time in years! I've enjoyed just sitting on my porch and watching the birds at sunset.
I've realized what a time suck Facebook is... and a not very pleasant one! There are some pages I miss. I really love the local Buy Nothing group. The generosity of my neighbors astounds me and I miss the free produce I got there. My favorite gift was the couple who bought a huge wedding cake to celebrate their son's elopement with a few family members. They gave away slices of wedding cake to everyone in town! (Pre-pandemic!) I also really love the Schitt's Creek group...happiest show on television = happy people on Facebook! I miss seeing the baby pictures of all the kids in the family too. I also started following my favorite talking dogs on TikTok and Youtube. (Maizy is getting buttons for her own AAC device! Stay tuned!)
I also learned how much I miss only sharing on Facebook. You rely on random "memories" to pop up and you can't search your own wall. I ran across a story about Macy Blue that made my heart sing. And it made me angry that I had forgotten about it and that I never shared stories HERE where I could find them again!
Macy was playing with a toy on the sofa. I took it. She got up and got another toy. I took it too. Unfazed, she got up and got another toy from the toybox. I took it as well. I was thinking she would engage in play with me or take them back...like Mabel would have. Instead she lay there looking at me for a moment and then, with her paw, raked the tv remote close to her and placed her paw on top of it. "Yeah lady! You take my stuff, I'm gonna take yours!"
Stories like that should not be wasted on "Crapbook!"
I need some rules: I'm going to try 20 minutes total and NEVER on weekend if and when I'm ready to go back.
Unless Facebook learns the vernacular of our different regions - which, why would they? Unless, they allow people to edit or delete when the violate some standard, they are going to continue to loose viewer hours and visits. It certainly doesn't instill a feeling of goodwill. People are always looking for the next fun thing. Bless your heart, Facebook. Bless your heart.
Musings on life, lampwork glass beads, rubber stamps, and all sorts of crafty things. ********************** Old fashioned Southern Belle (yeah, we still exist) whose greatest joy is the daily hikes with my dog. I make food safe rubber stamps (combining the love of baking and stamping) and also make lampwork beads and sell jewelry. In my spare time, I write for tv and other clients and dabble in web development. Email Creekhiker
Posts
